9/30/2015 Update

Hey everyone! I just wanted to give you all a little update on what’s been happening with me as of recently and the direction I’m going to be heading with this blog, my personal YouTube channel, and my career.

Monday was a pretty rough day for me. As some of you might know, I had a dispute with David Pakman on Twitter when I tried to tell him that his story about Lenovo spying on its customers was false and that he needed to backtrack it. I seemed to have failed at it and it really took a toll on me. I seem to be recovering from all that nicely, but I definitely felt very burned out earlier in the week. I just felt this sense of defeat and it was unbearable.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I came to the realization that maybe being a YouTube commentator full-time is not for me (at least right now). I made the decision to do this full time during the summer but things have changed now. My ordeal with Pakman made me realize this as well as a video that Mr. Repzion made earlier in the week callled “Time is Valuable“. I realized that there are simply too many stupid people on the internet these days (but particularly on YouTube, Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook) for me and its difficult to educate them properly on stuff, debate them, ignore/dismiss them, etc. (something that Mr. Repzion mentioned in his video). Not only that but, it made me realize that music is where truly belong at (full time, of course). I see myself working in music for life (its always been that way), and I feel like I haven’t been paying enough attention to that lately (despite my new schedule). Plus, even though there are stupid people who comment on your music, its much easier to debate, ignore & dismiss them. Overall, the culture in music is more laid-back & more positive and I like that (especially when we’re talking about EDM).

My little ordeal is similar to the one that pro motocrosser Chad Reed went through recently: after realizing that he couldn’t handle being both a team owner full time and a rider full time, he made the hard decision to close down his team and is returning to being only a full time rider for another team (at this time, he is either still searching for a team, or he has found one but can’t reveal the details just yet). I, on the other hand, came to the realization that I couldn’t be a music producer/audio engineer/DJ/songwriter/recording artist full time and be a YouTube commentator full time. PROJEKT61 is still in its infancy, I have huge plans for it, and it needs all the attention it can get (especially since I’m either at a place or almost at a place where I can finally keep up with the heavyweights – something that I’ve been working on for 5 years). If I want to become a highly respected, highly sought-after artist, then I need to focus more on that as I still have a long way to go (just like Chad Reed wants to try to win another championship and therefore has to focus on that as much as possible).

I love commenting on stuff – I’m highly opinionated – but I just can’t do it as a full time job (at least not at this time) because I have other things to tend to. People seem to expect a channel to be focused on one type of thing – they don’t want it to be scattered. The expectations that come from being that type of YouTuber are just too much for me to handle (long time YouTubers like Mr. Repzion and Dave from Boyinaband.com seem to be feeling burnt out from that). Sorry to burst your bubble but that’s not my thing (and it doesn’t seem to be Mr. Repzion’s thing either). I originally created this channel to be experimental (just like this blog) and therefore its going to be scattered, and its going to stay that way (it is my personal channel, after all). If you want more focus and consistency, then go over to the PROJEKT61 channel since that’s only focused one thing and that is music. So if you love music, EDM, and bass music go over to that channel (I haven’t uploaded much over there but expect more from there soon).

So with that said, my personal YouTube channel will become my side-project again – it will become my hobby and part-time gig again, where I will post whenever I have time or whenever I feel like it – while the PROJEKT61 channel will become my main channel. I will be working on growing that channel more, and growing the brand as a whole (again, I have big plans for it). Obviously, I’m still a YouTuber, but with different priorities now. I’m still planing to go to VidCon but mostly for PROJEKT61 (I want to meet up with other musicians on YouTube & get some more networking and business tips). Overall, its full-steam ahead for PROJEKT61. I can change my plans/mind at anytime but that’s my plan for now. I need to do what feels right for me and I need to do what makes me really happy. In fact, ever since I made this decision, I’ve seen a big improvement in my happiness.

I’ve learned a lot from being a YouTube commentator (including learning more about myself) and I have really improved my skills in regards to commentating on stuff. Obviously, I’m still going to do commentaries on YouTube but its not going to be a full time thing. I know I haven’t been putting out a lot of fully written content on this blog and that’s because I felt quite a bit of writer’s block and I just didn’t know what was I going to do with this blog next (I have an easier time saying things as they come as opposed to just sitting down and writing them). But I think that making videos has helped me re-ignite that fire. I seem to feel motivated to write again. So with that said, expect me to publish more blogs in here again very soon! (Which is great because I have so much to say at time but don’t always have room around here to record.) Its obviously going to be a part-time/hobby sort of thing (like with my personal YT), which means that I’m only going to post when I have time and/or whenever I feel like it, but I’m going to do it. I might even be turning select posts in here into vlogs/podcasts so you can listen to them on-the-go, or while doing something else in general. They’re going to be sort of like audiobooks except that they’ll sound more ‘natural’.

I’ll catch you all tomorrow with a post about my Twitter scuffle with David Pakman, and ethics in journalism!


The TRT Diaries: 1 Year on T

Its been a year since I started Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT) and I’ve seen plenty of changes since then. I can happily say that things have really turned around for the better for me since last summer, when I was truly suffering from those Low Testosterone (Low T) symptoms. In this video, I go over some of the most prominent changes while on T – all from an intersex guy’s perspective.

Click here to catch up or get a re-cap on all my other ‘TRT diaries’ entries!

[Vlog] My package got lost in the mail! (Thanks USPS!)

Here’s a vlog were I discuss my recent bad experience with USPS. If you’ve been following my Tumblr closely as of late, then you’ll know that its about the lost package that contained my FreeToM prosthetic.

P.S. There was actually no pun intended when I came up with the title, even though it seems like it…it just happened to come out that way :D. Feel free to laugh if you want!

P.P.S. I recently decided to do YouTube full-time (so it will be my full-time job along with music from now on), so expect to see content more frequently! (I’ll do my best with the space constraints I have right now.)

I’m 25!

Well, its my birthday today. Supposedly, I’m 25 now. But the thing is that I don’t feel 25. I feel more like I’m 18. I don’t exactly look 25, I look more 18 or so. I find it hard to believe I’m 25 now.

I’ve had to get started on life much later than everyone else due to me not really knowing what to do even though I thought I did (I had the “too many gifts” dilemma, so common with people with a lot of passions. Its where you don’t really know what to do with all your passions). Plus, I’ve had to deal with a gender transition (legal & social) due to me not knowing I was born biologically male but intersex and being misassigned female at birth as a consequence (a gender which I’ve never identified with in the first place). I had to deal with confusion surrounding my sexuality for the first 21 years of my life. Additionally, I’ve had to deal with hypogonadism (Low Testosterone, Testoterone Deficiency, etc.), which lead to a reduced puberty (hence why I look very young). So I’m definitely a late-bloomer.

I just wish more people understood this – especially those closest to me. Its not easy being born intersex, going through a gender transition, dealing with a hormone deficiency, not knowing what to do with all your gifts (especially when everyone around you treats starting a life as a competition, and are under constant pressure to do what they want you to do at the expense of your own happiness and well-being), and its especially not easy taking an unconventional career and life path. Everyones experiences are different and everyone deals with them differently. There’s no one “ideal” or “right” way to deal with these things. So to anyone who has an issue on how I’ve dealt with this: that’s your problem, not mine. Deal with it.

But I’ve figured everything out. I’m on TRT and no longer are hypogonadal, I’ve (almost) made the legal transition to male, I’m now living as my true self, I now know what and who I really am, I’m advocating for my favorite computer/technology brand (Lenovo) and I’m being backed by them, I’ve met a lot of great people and made great new friends just by doing this, and I’m finally pursuing the career and life path I’ve always wanted (something I’ve been doing since 2012 – and not without drawbacks). I feel like I’ve really grown up these last few to several years. Life is good and its only going to get better.

I look forward to the future and everything it has to offer. I look forward to growing the PROJEKT61 and Eli Turner brands, showcasing my music, designs, art, and ideas to the world, and engaging in additional business ventures (among other things) and being an entrepreneur, as well as meeting new people and making new friends. There are so many things I want to do and I’m very much looking forward to that. These are not short-term, get-rich-quick type of goals, but rather they are long-term, get-rich-slowly goals, so don’t expect me to accomplish these goals overnight.

Thanks to everyone who has been so patient with me and who have been with me through all of this. I feel so lucky to have such great, supportive people around me.

P.S. I originally posted this on my personal Facebook and thought I would share this with you guys. I have also shared this on my personal Tumblr.

The TRT Diaries – 4 months on T

TRT method:
AndroGel 1.62% – 2 pump actuations daily (40.5 mg)

Blood test results, taken on December 19, 2014:
Hormonal profile:
Testosterone (T), Total: 1145 ng/dL (higher end of normal; excellent!)
Blood profile:
Hematocrit: 40.7 (fair)
Hemoglobin: 13.0 (low end of normal)
Blood sugar profile:
Glucose: 122 (normal for someone who’s not fasting at the time of a blood draw)
Kidney profile:
BUN: 11 (just about right)
Creatinine: 0.60 (a bit below normal)
eGFR: 141 (normal)
Metabolic profile – minerals, kidney, liver:
Sodium: 138 (normal)
Potassium: 3.8 (normal)
Chloride: 102 (normal)
CO2: 27 (higher end of normal)
Calcium: 9.3 (normal)
Protein, total: 7.7 (normal)
Albumin: 4.8 (normal)
Globulin: 2.9 (normal)
A/G Ratio: 1.7 (normal)
Bilirubin, total: 0.4 (normal)
Bilirubin, direct: 0.1 (lower end of normal)
Alk Phosph, S: 68 (normal)
AST: 32 (normal)
ALT: 60 (a bit above normal)

I’ve been on T for 4 months now and quite a bit has happened. I went to see my Endocrinologist on the 13th, and found out that my T levels have gone up a bit from the last time I had my blood drawn (which was in September). My T levels went up from 1043 to 1145. Additionally, my liver enzymes are 5 points above normal (they went up from the last time). The good news is that they’re not so high as to be concerned about my liver, but I do hope it doesn’t get really, really high and that they start to come down in the next few to several months (this is probably just my body adjusting to the TRT). If  does get to the point where they get out of control, then I will probably need to lower my dose a bit (my biggest fear is going off TRT).

My endo thought that my dosage was probably a little too strong and at one point was actually thinking about lowering the dose a bit. But I told him that I felt great, I felt fine, and that I didn’t want to lower the dose, so he didn’t. However, we will need to keep a close eye on my liver enzymes. I have my next appointment with him in mid-April and my next blood draw in either late March or the first week of April and so we’ll see what happens then.

Now, on to the other changes:

Sexual Function
Some changes have happened in the downstairs area since my last update. I can actually see my whole glans now. The foreskin on my penis can fully retract now, whereas before it only used to retract up to the mid-point of the glans. I never thought I would see this happen. I always thought that not having a cis male-looking glans – and a small glans – was something I was always going to have just because I was intersex. But 4 months on T and I now have a glans that looks just like a cis male’s. Furthermore, my sexual performance has really improved, my confidence has gone up, and my sex drive is more frequent and is very consistent. I really like what’s happening in this department. One more thing: It seems like I have gotten some minor testicular shrinkage (I noticed it earlier in the month). Shrinkage is normal for men on TRT and is only minor – it just means that your body has stopped producing LH (which is what makes the testes grow – at least most of the time).

My voice has deepened since my 1.5 month update – it really sounds significantly different from before I start T. I’m really starting to love my voice and my social confidence is increasing due to it. I’m becoming less self-conscious about it but I still have some way to go.

Facial/body hair
My facial and body hair is becoming thicker and darker, slowly over time. I’m starting to see thicker hairs on my face. I can’t wait until I’m able to grow a full beard!

Physical Profile
My weight has gone up from 97 ibs to 100 ibs! This is the first time in my life that I’ve cracked 100, I’ve never been able to do that no matter how hard I tried. My biceps and triceps seem to have grown more recently. I can see my six pack a little better now – and without putting very much effort. I either seemed to have shedded a little more fat or my abdominal muscles grew a little (it could go either way). All I know is that they need to grow some more to make them look like they really pop out. Also, I have seen a significant increase in strength since my last update (which I’m very happy about!). From the looks of it, I can go back to working out full time, but I think I’m going to wait an additional 2-3 months before I do so. I’m very happy to see that I’m finally going to be able to get the body I’ve always wanted.

My energy and mood have really improved. I feel really motivated to do stuff now.

I have seen great improvements in my cognition since my 1.5 month update. My word aphaxia has greatly improved. Doing intellectually-demanding stuff is much easier now. I no longer have to struggle with that type of work – I have more patience doing it now. Making music, designs, and other things are much funner now than before T. Learning new things is much easier now – I’m now better able to grasp material that I learn. And lastly, my social confidence keeps going up. Things are going great in this area.

I have seen a modest increase in acne. I get it on my face, neck, back, chest, and upper arms – but mostly on my face.

I really love what’s happening with my body. I’m very excited to see what’s going to be happening 2 months from now (on my 6th month).

I guess that’s all for now. I’ll provide my next update probably in April (after I go see my Endocrinologist). I’m still working on my video blog version of my TRT updates. Not sure when I’ll get it completed (things are a bit hectic around here) but I’ll let you all know when I make it.

See you all next time!

My Best Moments of 2014

2014 was a great year for me. A lot of great things happened (this despite the fact that I was sick for most of the year). Here are the major highlights of the year – or in other words, here are my best moments from 2014:

January: My Medi-Cal benefits went into effect; received my new (to me) Lenovo ThinkPad T500.

February: I got featured on Lenovo’s social media channels, highlighting my developing music career.

March: My referral to see an Endocrinologist got approved by my insurance.

April: Made my first appointment to see the Endocrinologist.

May: Had my first appointment with my Endocrinologist; got a brand new Lenovo Yoga 2 11 to review and keep; my 24th birthday.

June: Got the gender on my California state ID updated; was cleared for TRT by my endo.

July: Went down to my local Social Security Administration office to change/fix my gender; Submitted my name & gender change petition with the Superior Court of California – County of Orange.

August: Received my new ID in the mail; updated my gender with Medi-Cal; got my 1st prescription for Testosterone (T); started TRT.

September: Had my court date for my name & gender change petition, which was granted; returned to work after a year-long absence due to being Low T.

October: Went to see my endo for the first time since starting T and found out I was no longer Low T.

November: Received a brand new Lenovo Yoga Tablet 2 Pro to review and keep.

December: Uploaded my first vlog on YouTube.

So as you can see, a lot of things happened this year – most of them having to do with my legal gender transition from female to male, as well as my health (Low Testosterone). (Also notice how something happened each and every month this year.) I just know that 2015 will be another great year – and I predict that it’ll be bigger and better, since I have a lot of big plans for next year.

To kick off the new year, I will be giving out a teaser for something that I’m currently working on, so look out for that tomorrow (it will be posted on my social media profiles, as well as here). I think it will help highlight the progress I have made as of late, as well as these past almost 5 years. It will be a kind of peak into what’s to come in 2015.

Have a happy, fun, and safe New Year everyone! I’ll see you all in 2015!

The TRT Diaries – 1.5 months on T

TRT method:
AndroGel 1.62% – 2 pump actuations daily (40.5 mg)

Blood test results, taken on September 26, 2014:
Testosterone (T), Total: 1043 ng/dL
Estradiol (E2), Ultrasensitive LC/MS/MS: 20 pg/mL
ALT: 33 U/L
AST: 24 U/L

This is my 1.5 (1 1/2) months (and 6.4 weeks) on T update. Quite a bit has happened over the last 6 weeks and I’ll go over that in a bit. But first, I’m going to discuss the results from my latest blood test.

As you can see above, my T levels have gone up dramatically, while my E2 levels have dramatically gone down. I’m still shocked at the results from the test. For the first time in my life, I have normal hormone levels! I never thought I would get T levels this high, and E2 levels this low, this soon! Before, my T levels were an abysmal 29, now they’re a stunning 1043! My E2 levels before where an astronomical 251, now they’re a youthful 20! These levels are actually normal for a guy my age, and supposedly, compared to my peers, I’m in the 95th percentile in T levels. The average T levels for my peers are around 600 to around 700 (50th percentile), so this means that I beat most of my peers in T levels! (And to think that before I was basically below the 5th percentile!)

I actually made a more modest prediction on where my T and E2 levels where going to be at this point. I predicted that my T levels were going to be around 600-800, and my E2 levels around 40-100. This surpassed my expectations big time and I’m completely ecstatic about it. I really think that my healthy lifestyle habits helped me get to this point, and if that’s the case then it just shows you how much of a difference lifestyle habits can make. A lot of my peers have unhealthy lifestyle habits and I think that explains why the average T levels for them are around 600-700. Because I’m on a low dose of T and my levels are on the high end of normal, this probably shows us all that I’m a hypoexcreter of T as opposed to a hyperexcreter (this means that I metabolize T slowly).

I think that these T and E2 levels are my sweet spot, since I’m not feeling any side-effects. In fact, I feel great! I didn’t realize that I would respond to AndroGel this well – this has also taken me by surprise.

I also got my liver enzymes checked (which you can see above) and they have gone up a bit from the last time. My ALT is actually on the high-normal side now, while my AST is now in the middle. I’m not sure what this all means but I’ll do some more research on it.

Now, on to the other stuff:

Sexual Function
My sex drive seems to have improved over my last TRT Diaries entry. I feel like its at its highest/best yet. It has definitely gotten more consistent. I have gotten morning wood every single day since the morning after I started T. I now wake up every morning fantasizing about sex and itching to have it. Not only that but I also fantasize about sex – as well as great-looking women and their body parts – throughout the day. Before T, I’ve constantly struggled to so (it was inconsistent) and only thought about that stuff occasionally, but now its girls and sex all the time. The mild ED (Erectile Dysfunction) I had while Low T is completely gone now.

My voice seems to be getting deeper about every two weeks or so. I have noticed a different sound and feel to it from the last time. Not only that but, it also seems to have started cracking (again). I’m recording my voice to keep track of the changes and I have noticed a difference from the past two weeks and a pretty big difference since I first started T. Since my voice is finally starting to deepen, I’m actually feeling more comfortable with it and less self-conscious about it – I’m starting to hate it less, which means I’m actually starting to like it!

Facial/body hair
My facial and body hair seem to be getting more numerous and slightly darker from the last time. I’m wondering when I’ll start seeing darker, thicker hairs. Really excited to get more visible facial hair and grow a beard (so I’ll look a little bit older and because I always wanted to grow one)!

Physical Profile
Slowly, maturely, my body keeps increasing in body and lean mass. When I weighted myself at the end of September, I was back to 91 pounds When I went to visit my Endocrinologist on Friday, I found out that I now weigh 97 pounds! I’m really happy about this. This is the first time in my life that I’ve weighted that much. I’m guessing that by the time I go visit my PCP (which will be in November or December), I’m probably going to be 108, 109, or 110 (I’ll no longer be underweight). My guess is that after one year on T, I’ll be anywhere from 135-150 (with most of it being muscle, of course). I’ll finally be able to fill my clothes out! I have recently gotten back to my regular fitness routine, although I’m still easing into it. I’m now “lifting heavy things” (right now, its mostly bodyweight exercises) 3 times a week again.

My mood is still good and my energy is still high. Its definitely gotten more consistent. I definitely feel more motivated to do stuff now and its only going get better over time. I also seem to be more of a morning person now, whereas before I wasn’t.

My cognition just keeps improving – and I just know that its only going to get better over time. I can definitely retain information much better now and I can also focus much easily now. Brain fog also seems to be completely gone now. I’m actually now back to making and learning more about music (as well as design and other stuff) and its going along great! I feel like my confidence in all sorts of stuff is slowly, maturely going up.

Appetite is still up! Still not really experiencing any bloating (major bloating, at least).

My acne seems to have modestly increased. The good news is that its not a huge issue (at least yet).

I’m very pleased by how all of this is going. This is definitely one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’m very excited to see what’s up ahead.

I guess that’s all for now. I’ll see you all next time!

P.S. Before I left my endo’s office, I got new prescription for AndroGel (same dosage and delivery method) for the months of November and December. However, hours after I left my endo’s office, I realized that I will need a new prescription for T in December for the months of January and February (I will be filling it out somewhere at the end of December – before New Year’s). I’m not going to see my endo again until January 9, and I’m hoping that I can get a new prescription without going to his office (by doing it electronically or by fax, or by my PCP prescribing it under my endo’s direction). This is something that’s going to have me anxious come December because I will be out of T by the time I go see my endo, and I really don’t want to go back to being Low T. Hopefully, everything will work out just fine – we’ll see what happens. Also, my next blood draw will be in December, and this is where I’m going to get my blood cells checked.

Lastly, I will be uploading my first video blog on YouTube hopefully by the end of the month. I’m currently busy shooting it. I will share that video (along with future videos) here when I upload it.